Top 50 things I think of when I can’t sleep

Often times I find myself up until the wee hours of the morning. 2am is the aproximiate time I could say that I start to shut my eyes. But as many of you know, it can be 30 minutes + to actually fall asleep.

Quite a few nights I’ve stayed up until 4:30/5am. I like to call myself a functioning insomniac. Usually I try to do something productive, but often times I find myself checking out crazy travel pictures on instagram (especially ones in Thailand) and thinking to myself about too much. Here’s the top 50 things I think of:

  1. What time do I work tomorrow?
  2. What time should I leave my apartment to get to work on time? *sets alarm*
  3. What time could I wake up at the latest to be able to eat and get ready before leaving for work? *sets alarm*
  4. What is my cat doing?
  5. Why can’t my cat love the outdoors/water?
  6. How could I train my cat to do a cool trick/use the toliet?
  7. Why didn’t I train my giant hamster to climb ladders made out of potholder cloth loops in middle school?
  8. Could beta fish be related to angelfish?
  9. If I bought a large enough property, how could I turn it into an animal rescue?
  10. How do people find puppies and kittens “abandoned” at a dumpster or something and I can’t even find my phone/wallet/id?
  11. Why can anyone never find and use the device called a blinker to indicate where they are going?
  12. How can other cars/people driving not notice me or other people in their cars (not in their blind spot) and just merge into my lane getting really close to my car until I notice they are moving into my whole lane at the same time I am there?
  13. How are some people allowed to drive, that don’t have much common sense?
  14. How much and how safe is a self-driving car?
  15. How much is an apartment in London? Paris? Bangkok? (in the safest part of town)
  16. What is the cost of living there compared to here (Tampa)?
  17. Anyway I could live in them before I reach the prime age of 23?
  18. Why wouldn’t someone want to travel and move around?
  19. Is there still a left handed store in London that I saw one night and peeked in the front windows in the early 2000s?
  20. Why don’t men understand chocolate, flowers, and honesty go a long way?
  21. Do people really have “secret admirers”?
  22. Why am I exhausted but wide awake?
  23. Is it true that I can’t sleep at night because I’m awake in someone’s dream?
  24. If so, who?
  25. Stop dreaming about me so I can sleep.
  26. Why do I have the craziest dreams?
  27. If I sold almost everything I own/have, would it be enough to buy a one-way plane ticket atleast after I graduate?
  28. Are there any sites or any way I could connect with fellow millenials who want to dare venture out into the nomad/vanlife?
  29. I should totally do my laundry.
  30. What’s that shadow from?
  31. Why do my neighbors think  neccessarry to have really loud sex at 4am for a couple hours? (that live down the street)
  32. Why are my neighbors rude/can’t be civil/ leave their children to roam outside around the parking lot unattended?
  33. What is my neighbor’s ex-bf saying/doing outside now?
  34. Why would someone steal tire valve caps when they are $0.99 for 4 of them.
  35. I should totally get my car checked out and the oil changed soon, but how much longer could I wait until I actually need to do it?
  36. Why do I have this bruise here (usually on my thigh somewhere)?
  37. At this given moment I wonder how many people are in a hospital?
  38. Out of those, how many are in labor?
  39. How many deliver their child at the same time?
  40. What would I name my future boy, if I had children (lets be real, I already have a solid answer for the girl name)?
  41. Whatever happened to spongebob? are there new episodes or what?
  42. What is tv lol
  43. Why is the bush moving?.. oh it is windy outside.
  44. Why is it so hot in here *takes off all my clothes*
  45. Man, I really should shave my legs.
  46. Do they have razors that are ecofriendly/biodegradable?
  47. Where are my retainers for my teeth I should have worn/should be wearing?
  48. How have I not got a cavity already?
  49. God is GOOD.
  50. All the time.

SB 2K17

Tonight I conclude my spring break for the thrid time in my college career,

being slightly more eventful than the last, but not meerly as much as all my fellow friends who decided to document their shenanigans on snap chat.

I went home to visit my parents in PA, where I was going to go on several hikes and explore a graffiti highway.. but the snow told my body otherwise. I slept about the same amount of hours I did in total of the previous weeek, if not more in 3 nights/4 days. Much needed rest, relaxation, consumption of nearly 2 lbs of bacon, time with the parentals and my baby york.

Then upon arrival back in my sunshine state, I hoped in my first uber by myself back to my apartment. I ate a sandwhich and changed quick to head to work. Ever since then I have been working, eating, sleeping, repeating. It has been kinda lonely, not going to lie. But I’ve realized how much of an option I am to my “friends”, and even some of my “best friends” so I’m letting them be.

Everybody contradicts themselves when giving me guidance and advice, it confuses me and burns out my emotions. It really doesn’t help at the end of the day so I’m going to be spending less time asking and more time doing, without the validation and input from others (as much as I can).

Other issue I have always had with “friends”, “best friends”, and even some family is their conditional presence. Now I am being strong to not give them my unconditional time. It truly isn’t right to take advantage of someone you say is a great friend but leave them hanging when you make plans with your significant other. All of a sudden they are unconditional in your life, so why condition everyone else?..

oh for your own fulfillment of pleasures and desires. Sweet.

I couldn’t relate and frankly never will. Because as much as you will tell me “it will all change for you when you have a boyfriend, then you’ll understand”, I know I won’t be conditional to my solid friends and family so I never will be that way to them. It is called loyalty, goes hand-in-hand with the Golden Rule. It exists in nearly every friendship, relationship, etc. And if it isn’t there, I’m not.

Like I’ve said before, all in or all out.. black or white.. there is no gray area.

In conclusion, over the past week I have felt more love and great laughter from the strangers I sat next to on my rough flights to and from home home than some of the people I’ve mentioned above. I will safely and appropiately talk to strangers, because that is how most of the realest friends I still have started as. Strangers.

Here is to a life I guess many people can’t understand, the ones I have loved and lost, and the ones who’ve stayed. Thank you for choosing me.

I’m super stoked for my adventures to come this summer and to see more of this beautiful world, where I know I am bound to meet some more beautiful souls.

xoxo

Jozey